I SO relate to all of this. I, too, tried various diets with various degrees of restrictiveness. Fruitarianism for 6 months in 2010 was the most extreme. That, and two 10-day water fasts.
My orthorexia was catalyzed in 2006 by David Jubb and the raw veganism that was popular in the yoga scene in NYC. Most of my yogi friends at Dharma Mittra's studio were raw vegan during that time.
There was also a lot of "cleansing" and "detox" happening in that scene, and I became totally enamored with the idea of purifying my body and being optimally healthy.
David Jubb (who I believed to be an all knowing teacher on all subjects, especially health & nutrition) had us doing long "cleanses" that involved unidentified herbs and also a "liver/gallbladder flush" with olive oil and lemon juice so we would pass "gallstones." In reality, those were not gallstones. They were soft, soap-like pellets formed through a process similar to saponification when the oil is processed in the digestive tract, which people then mistake for stones.
I worked in the cafe at Sharon Gannon and David Life's Jivamukti yoga studio in Union Square during that time, and most of the food they served was raw vegan.
I struggled with orthorexia, which led to binge eating disorder, from 2006-2020. About 15 years of my life, similar to your timeframe.
I spent years in therapy, and even spent some time in a residential eating disorder treatment center in 2016-2017. None of it helped.
In 2020 I finally found a woman online named Lydia Knight who understood the neuroscience behind my condition and, as it turns out, restriction → binging.
I had to learn to allow myself to eat absolutely anything, and it took a little while to unravel all the layers of restriction I had built up in my mind.
Essentially it was like I was pulling back a rubber band tighter and tighter with all the restriction (even though a lot of it was only mental) and then eventually it would snap and fly across the room (i.e. binging). I had to take the tension out of the metaphorical rubber band by allowing myself to eat anything I wanted.
I now eat normally, whatever I want and when I want, and am the healthiest I have ever been. I still eat mostly organic and even though I eat meat now, I still gravitate toward a lot of vegan food that I still love. But now it's not because these are the rules, it's because this is what I genuinely enjoy.
I am so happy that we both made it through to the other side.
Thank you for sharing about your experiences, which will undoubtedly help others gain clarity around their own struggles with disordered eating and eating disorders.
Oh wow, I remember Jubb’s shop. My friend was always doing his “cleanse.” The one time I met him, he had those glassy eyes that seemed to look through you. AND I bought way too many smoothies at the Jivamukti Cafe. Overpriced, but delicious!
I also remember when Dharma went vegan than started telling classes to do the same. Jiva and Dharma are both discussed quite a bit in this book.
Thank you so much for sharing, Derek!
I SO relate to all of this. I, too, tried various diets with various degrees of restrictiveness. Fruitarianism for 6 months in 2010 was the most extreme. That, and two 10-day water fasts.
My orthorexia was catalyzed in 2006 by David Jubb and the raw veganism that was popular in the yoga scene in NYC. Most of my yogi friends at Dharma Mittra's studio were raw vegan during that time.
There was also a lot of "cleansing" and "detox" happening in that scene, and I became totally enamored with the idea of purifying my body and being optimally healthy.
David Jubb (who I believed to be an all knowing teacher on all subjects, especially health & nutrition) had us doing long "cleanses" that involved unidentified herbs and also a "liver/gallbladder flush" with olive oil and lemon juice so we would pass "gallstones." In reality, those were not gallstones. They were soft, soap-like pellets formed through a process similar to saponification when the oil is processed in the digestive tract, which people then mistake for stones.
I worked in the cafe at Sharon Gannon and David Life's Jivamukti yoga studio in Union Square during that time, and most of the food they served was raw vegan.
I struggled with orthorexia, which led to binge eating disorder, from 2006-2020. About 15 years of my life, similar to your timeframe.
I spent years in therapy, and even spent some time in a residential eating disorder treatment center in 2016-2017. None of it helped.
In 2020 I finally found a woman online named Lydia Knight who understood the neuroscience behind my condition and, as it turns out, restriction → binging.
I had to learn to allow myself to eat absolutely anything, and it took a little while to unravel all the layers of restriction I had built up in my mind.
Essentially it was like I was pulling back a rubber band tighter and tighter with all the restriction (even though a lot of it was only mental) and then eventually it would snap and fly across the room (i.e. binging). I had to take the tension out of the metaphorical rubber band by allowing myself to eat anything I wanted.
I now eat normally, whatever I want and when I want, and am the healthiest I have ever been. I still eat mostly organic and even though I eat meat now, I still gravitate toward a lot of vegan food that I still love. But now it's not because these are the rules, it's because this is what I genuinely enjoy.
I am so happy that we both made it through to the other side.
Thank you for sharing about your experiences, which will undoubtedly help others gain clarity around their own struggles with disordered eating and eating disorders.
Oh wow, I remember Jubb’s shop. My friend was always doing his “cleanse.” The one time I met him, he had those glassy eyes that seemed to look through you. AND I bought way too many smoothies at the Jivamukti Cafe. Overpriced, but delicious!
I also remember when Dharma went vegan than started telling classes to do the same. Jiva and Dharma are both discussed quite a bit in this book.
Thanks for sharing your experiences here!